


In the Future

by wolfthed



Category: Gorillaz
Genre: Implied/Referenced Child Abuse, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, M/M, Music, Other, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, Therapy, Unhealthy Relationships
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-09-10
Updated: 2020-09-10
Packaged: 2021-03-06 22:48:10
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,843
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26386660
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wolfthed/pseuds/wolfthed
Summary: After getting out of jail, in an alternative universe where Song Machine was not recorded, Murdoc’s bandmates demanded that if he wanted to be let back into Gorillaz, he had to actually get help. What Murdoc does not know, making this effort leads him to a realization about himself.
Relationships: Murdoc Niccals/Stuart "2D" Pot
Comments: 4
Kudos: 35





	In the Future

Smoking a cigarette, Murdoc leaned against the wall of the run-down house. He felt uneasy about what was going on inside this house. This has been one of the most stressful weeks for him in his life and he had a lot of those weeks. A majority of these moments were caused by him but it didn’t stop the uneasiness. He wondered what his bandmates were deciding about him. Satan, he needed a drink.

Murdoc always knew he was a selfish cold man. But who could blame him? He grew up with a cold bastard of a father. A lot of his messed-up decisions in his life have been for his own survival. Murdoc needed his band; originally it was his ticket to escape from his horrid life in Stoke-on-Trent but now it transformed into his source of income to live. Any time he needed money to pay off the sketchy people he came across, he could just release another album. There was also a forming desire of needing control.

During his childhood and even way into his adulthood, he had little control over what happened to him. The people around him saw through him, the worst-case came from his own father. His father who would have rather sold him for beer money was a constant shadow hovering over him. He forced him to perform in shows that he wanted no part in. At least these early experiences led him to be prepared for when he actually got to perform in front of millions of fans that loved him. 

Despite craving control, even today he was constantly trying to hold onto it. Getting locked in jail was a failure. His own band went against him when they released an album without him. It angered him but even in his crazy state of mind, he knew he could not win the approval of his bandmates if he threw a fit at them. The album was decent and at least they replaced him with Ace which was one of his old mates.

He needed to act in their best interest to get back in, and honestly, his body couldn’t even act out in anger if he wanted to with the tiredness that overcame him. He was tired of almost dying.

His thoughts led him to think about all that has happened.

Being locked inside the jail.

Being stuck inside with other hungry evil men. Their hands. 

Being almost killed escaping.

Being saved by Noodle on the mountain.

Noodle was such an angel to him. He knew he didn’t deserve to have her in his life. Being rescued by her was the only good part of the experience. When she found him, she found him riding a yak. Noodle gave him the reaction of a strange bliss. The journey back was filled with even more strange silence and emotions.  
When he came back to the Spirit House, it didn’t feel like home. While meeting the other members in the kitchen, it was expected that his band would have to warm up to him. Though to his surprise, they actually seemed a little happy that he was ok.

The most unexpected person to turn around with their feelings was 2D, his singer. Murdoc was able to hear some of the interviews from jail. 2D seemed overjoyed that his tormenter was gone and expressed that the new role of a leader suited him like a glove. With his general attitude, he expected laughter in his face over the fact he was locked up for so long. If not that, he expected fear but instead the lanky man didn’t even verbalize anything, he just accepted the hug and the rock that Murdoc found to offer him.  
It felt nice to receive that hug and he felt warmth from all the others that gave him a feeling that must have been similar to how someone feels when seeing their family. Murdoc could tell that there was a catch though. The gratefulness was short-lived about him being alive and he found himself in the middle of his bandmates exchanging sharp looks. The silence that overtook the room could be cut with a knife.

Murdoc could not take it.

“Now let it out, what is the issue?”

Noodle and Russel met eyes and 2D seemed to be only focused on the cracks on the wall of the house.

“Murdoc, we are grateful you are alive,” Noodle finally spoke up. “But we still have some decisions to make.”

Murdoc tensed at this. He could not believe they were actually brave enough to be doing this. 

“What the bloody hell does that mean?” 

“Listen man, you started this band but that doesn’t give you a ticket to do what you want. We are all part of this band and we are tired of being in a hostile environment,” Russel says.

“…And we made a pretty swell album without you”, 2D whispers while clutching his rock without meeting anyone’s eyes. 

Murdoc narrowed his eyes at this blunt statement. He knew he had done hurtful things to 2D, but being reminded that the years of when 2D idolized him was far gone, struck a nerve within him. They have been the ones to start it all together before Noodle and Russel. The most recent album was the first time they did not work together. The hug they exchanged gave him hope that a confusing spark was still there, but it made him realize it was most likely a pity hug if anything. 

“So, you are going to be kicking me out!”

“Murdoc, please we just need to have a conversation about this. Us having this break from you made all of us realize a lot of things,” Noodle says while crossing her arms.

“Muds, honestly we thought we would never even have to talk about this. We thought this prison sentence was going to keep you there for a long time. It seemed like the best for you to stay locked up.” Russel admits.

This hurt more than all the loneliness and the physical pain that was brought on him.

“None of you want me back, I was better off dead, huh?”

Noodle jumped in instantly. “Stop! I have to admit during those years when I was alone, I resented you in every way. I thought it would be best to just separate myself from you. Even during Humanz when I was able to let go of that resentment, I always did still have some closed off anger…”She paused. Her voice was cracking which is something Murdoc has hardly seen her done throughout the years he has been part of her life. Noodle did not like being emotional.“Though even after all of that I could never wish death on you. Especially with how much you taught me while I was a kid.”

Murdoc could see she was on the edge of crying but a little smile was still forming on her lips. She wiped at her eyes to brush the tears away. 2D sitting next to her at the kitchen table flashed her a warm smile and Russel reached out and put a hand on her back and rubbed it. Murdoc felt his body shake, he did not want to be there.

“All of us agree with what Noodle says in different ways. Murdoc, just step outside and let us have a talk.” Russel says.

He needed to get out.

“Fine.”

He left by slamming the already wrecked door. He swears he could feel dark eyes burning into his soul.

~~~~~~

Even recalling what happened moments earlier made him want to drink until he passed out, Murdoc knew whatever they were planning inside he would not like. The worst thoughts in his head kept repeating.

They are getting rid of you for good...

They are getting rid of you for good...

No one loves you…

He debated with those thoughts. The band was able to replace him with Ace but the fans would demand him back, especially if he was out of jail. He could protest. He could have his fans sign petitions. They loved him.

The thought that not everyone in the band would want him out crossed his mind. Noodle was the most obvious person to want him to stay, he may have been a shit father to her but he was still her father in a way. That emotional breakdown proved it enough to him. The Gorillaz was her family to her and he knew she was someone who wanted them to stay together until the end. 

Russel though probably wanted him gone. For years their relationship hasn’t been that close. They respected each other mostly for the fact they made beautiful music together. Russel hated him for all the pain he has caused to his friends. He was a man that valued the wellness of people he cared about more than any amount of money or any well written song. It did make sense for all that he has lost. 

The vote that would determine the tie is beyond unpredictable.

2D.

Murdoc could never wrap his mind around what he was thinking. He always seemed lost in his little world. Out of all the members of the band 2D had the most reasons to want him gone. The fact that his fate was determined by this bloke made Murdoc want to choke him out.

He needed to be in the band. It was his life.

As Murdoc continued to be lost in his thoughts, he heard a flapping from above. It was a murder of crows. Flashbacks of his youth started to come to him. Since his father told him the story of how a crow would perch on his stroller, he took it as a sign that crows must mean something to him. He used to imagine himself as a bird all the time after. Flying away from his home life seemed to be the only way to get away from it. He realized it was impossible though after jumping off the roof of his house and getting a beating from his father as a punishment for being that dense. He had to find his own way.

The meaning of the crow never left him though, especially when he got his pet bird Crotez. How he missed him. Murdoc wondered what happened to him when he passed. His physical body was stuffed by Russel and was now in his room. If he even had a room anymore. He did try once to bring him back with no result. Murdoc came across the conclusion in his head that no matter where he was, he knew he was in a better place than Murdoc was right now.  
Murdoc decided right there that deeply he wished he was there with him.

~~~~~~

Murdoc finished the rest of his pack of cigarettes before they came out to get him. It was Noodle.

“Murdoc, you can come in now.”

Her face looked unsure. He couldn’t determine what that meant for him. As Noodle and Murdoc walked in the kitchen, he saw that 2D was standing up now leading against the kitchen counter with a beer in hand. The rock that he was clutching onto earlier was nowhere to be seen. In all of the other things to worry about Murdoc worried that he has thrown it away.

“Welcome back. Glad you did not run out on us,” Russel says.

“Does it matter?”

“Well, Muds I think you will be happy to know we didn’t do a silly voting system thing like you probably expected.”

“What?”

Murdoc was surprised. All of those worries outside was for nothing. There was no way they were just opening the door without any requirements, what did this mean if they didn’t vote him out?

“Just because we didn’t vote you out doesn’t mean you can just stay here.”

“What Russel means is that we are giving you the decision, we will not let you back in unless you seek help.” Noodle says.

“Listen, I wanted to end this whole thing, we are all older and I do think we made enough of an impact on the world.” Russel said “But Noodle is still young and Gorillaz means a lot to her. 2D also said...”

“Do not tell him what I said.”

There was an awkward silence among them. What did that mean? What did he say?

“…Sorry D I forgot.”

“It’s chilly,” 2D says while taking a drink.

“Anyway, we always wanted you to get better Muds and I know this band is very important to you but you have been through a lot and we don’t need you taking it out on all of us.”

“What do you mean by getting help?”

Therapy didn’t work on him. Years ago he did try to go for a session, and all he felt like he did was scare the therapist, so he ended up never going again. He has been through more than any human being could understand. Therapy also required you to open up about stuff Murdoc promised himself he would never tell to anyone. Opening up about it will make him seem weak.

“Russel knows a clinic that specializes with trauma and there is also an anger management meeting open for anyone. It is fairly close to here,” Noodle says while pulling up her phone to show a building.

“It won’t work on me and my anger is fine.”

“Sure,” 2D snorts.

“Well, you don’t have many other options. Murdoc, I know getting help is not easy. You may go and not feel like no result is happening but all we want you to do is at least try.” Russel says.

“You could also do some yoga with me and Noodle. I also know some sweet meditation techniques.” 2D says.

“Yes, it is very peaceful I would love for you to join us.” 

Despite 2D being very silent ever since he arrived, he was able to somehow say the worst thing out of all the members. Is this really what has happened to his band since he left. Some hippie boot camp.

“Yeah 2D has been seeing someone as well and I think he has been doing much better, right D?” Russel says. 

“Yeah.”

“Is this really the only way you will let me back in?”

“Yes, it is a deal then?” Russel says while raising an eyebrow. 

Murdoc in his head wanted to do anything to be let back in but he still knew there were ways he could get out of this. He could always say he was going to a session but instead go out to a pub or somebody’s house to have a drunken one-night stand. He could pull the nice guy act to act like he was getting better. It is a common phrase that it is easier to be nice than mean. Even though he did disagree with that.

“Fine, you arses.”

“I am going to call the place right now and put you on the phone.” Russel then pulled out his phone.

“What?! Why do I have to do it right now?”

Noodle couldn’t help but laugh a little. She has always been a wild child that found humor in even messed up situations like this.

“Murdoc, we know you. We have to monitor you, I will drive you to your sessions.”

“And we are still on for those yoga lessons?” 2D says.

“Ah shut up face ache!”

“Murdoc, please this is for your own good!” Noodle says.

“Fine! Fine! I’ll be under your goddamn watch like a grounded teenage girl and no I still draw the line at those yoga lessons!”

2D was visibly disappointed at this but shrugged his shoulders. He then tried to toss the beer can that he had finished in the trash. He missed. He sighed. Murdoc wanted to make another smart-ass comment about it but he knew it wasn’t the time.

“Well if you ever change your mind you can always join Noodle and I.” 2D stretched. “This conversation has stressed me out, I think we have it handled though. I am going to go to bed. I am pooped. I hope the call goes well. Goodnight.''

“Goodnight 2D, if you happen to wake up later there is a movie marathon going on we can watch together.” Noodle says with a wink. 

“Sure thing love.”

2D straightens himself up and gives a quick hug to Noodle before heading over to the doorway. He pauses before leaving and turns around meeting eyes with Murdoc.

“I am glad you are back by the way. Even after everything that has happened, I hope things do work out so you can stay.”

2D then left without another word. Murdoc doesn’t even know how to respond in his own head. His face felt red with embarrassment.

“I am going to call them now Muds.”

For a split second then Murdoc thought that maybe this therapy thing could be the best thing he did in his life. Then he remembers who he is.

**Author's Note:**

> This my first fanfic and I had a good time writing this. I do struggle with grammar and spelling so I encourage people to point it out. Thank you for reading. Remember Song Machine never happened.


End file.
